Reason number 510 to eat a healthy diet: Had some fattening food today, and pooed a brick. My husband nearly fainted.

   Poor man.

   I think I may have rid the house of vermin too.

   I have gone down another pants size! I have gone from a size 26 to a size 18. Huzzah! So, to reward myself, I have taken two breaks from the gym, and I have been eating some deliciously unhealthy food. I deserve a break. I also deserve a proposal from Thor (god of thunder) any day now....Thor should come to his senses soon.

   I may have tied him up and made him watch Full House reruns. I may have not. No one knows where he is (My basement...doh! Why must I always give away my diabolical plans! Too much ego, THAT"S why!), and I think force feeding him the entrails of a coyote is wearing him down. He'll learn to love me for it. They always do.

   Tip of the day: Never procrastinate when it comes to eating healthy. Just tactically delay. A few examples of tactful delaying:

1. Telling my husband Thor will fall in love with me eventually. I should tactfully delay this for our anniversary dinner. That's a good time.
2. Informing my husband that the fried tofu I served tonight was "fried vegetables." He actually choked down a bite before I told him what it really was. Tactful, right?
3. Getting plastered all weekend long, in front of Thor. I'm tactfully delaying until he breaks into a rage. It'll happen eventually. Anger is a passionate emotion...and passion is good.

   Instead of the recipe of the day, I will list some healthy, yummy foods that I enjoy. At Trader Joe's, I love to get the following:

1. Booty. Whoops...how did that get there?
2. Mango Pineapple Salsa.
3. Garlic Hummus.
4. Low-Fat Tortilla Chips.
5. Pumpkin Pancake and Waffle Mix. I love pumpkins almost as much as I love Fabio.

   Ha! Nothing truly comes close to Fabio. Except maybe defacing public property. Now that's my idea of a good, clean fun.

   Thank you for reading, my minions! May the schwarz be with you in all of your health endeavors!